Steph's Sidewalk

2005-07-22T06:12:00.000-07:00

I have officially moved!!!! Please check out my site at http://www.stephssecrets.blogspot.com

See you there!!!

Breaking the Silence

2005-05-11T07:00:00.000-07:00

Last night an anonymous comment was left over at think sink which resulted into a bit of a mini blogging world argument. While I wont go into much detail about the argument, I did want to touch on something that was said that completely took me a back. One of the bloggers involved made a comment about how she was “not a compassionate Christian” and how she is a, “let ‘em burn in hell” kind of Christian. My first thought upon reading that was- whoa. Immediately I wanted to judge her for her statement, as I thought it was completely off the wall, but though it took restraint, I stopped myself. I know that I do no have the right to judge; I wouldn’t want to get another case of log eye again!

And so I went to bed. This morning, I woke up, the conversation still running through my head. I started to think, what kind of Christian am I? I would love with all my heart to say that I am the “reflect the love of Christ in everything I do, and spread the good news” Christian like Paula, but I knew that wasn’t true. I definitely don’t just want ‘em to burn, so that wasn’t true either. I realized that I’ve become a rather quiet Christian, and I am not proud of that. It seems as though my silence is doing the same thing as the person who offended me by saying, “let ‘em burn in hell”. My friends, and family who haven’t been saved, and yes even strangers who I may or may not get along with, if I do not show them the love of God and spread the good news to them, then what am I doing to further the kingdom? Nothing.

I know that if it hadn’t been for the “reflect the love of Christ in everything I do and spread the good news” Christians in my life, I would have been on a straight path to Crispyville, destined to spend my life burning.

I’ve got to say I think Satan must love the quiet Christians, just as much as the let em burn Christians, because if anything, they are contributing more to his cause then to the kingdom of God. That’s a hard statement to swallow, knowing that I have been quiet for so long, but I know now that I need to make a change and learn to reflect the love of Christ in everything I do, and to spread the good news of Christ and what he has done in my life.

One thing that I have learned during my walk, is that as a Christian, I should be striving to be more like Jesus in everything I do. With that said, when Jesus hung on the cross, He did not do so in complete silence, He did not condemn the people to burn in hell, He simply said, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” If that isn’t a statement of His love and grace for us, I don’t know what is.

What kind of Christian are you?

A Bad Case of Log Eye

2005-04-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

This morning as I came downstairs with my paperwork, I met head on with an employee of another company in a doorway. I was already partly through the door, and seeing the pile of paperwork I was carrying in my arms decided to hold the door open for me. I nodded my head and thanked him as I walked through the door, and as the door slowly shut, I hear a sarcastic and annoyed voice abruptly say “Hey! No problem!”

He didn’t hear me say thanks- I realized. And thus he came out with the sarcastic “you’re welcome” type comment as he apparently felt the need to point out to me my apparent “rudeness”. As I walked down the hallway I muttered something about already saying thank you to that jerk.

See if you know me, you probably don’t need to read this sentence, but for those of you who don’t- Things like that bother me. I normally overanalyze just about everything and can get easily….miffed. With that said I began to think about what had just transpired. I wondered if this guy (who I walk by quite often) will always walk by and think about me being a rude person. Would I be labeled by this person based on this one encounter and judged because of that even though it was HIM who didn’t hear me? What gives him the right- I thought to myself, who does he think he is?

I remember when I used to be a Brownie, we would do “good deeds”. The idea of is was we were supposed to do something nice for someone else, without being asked, and without expecting anything in return. So as I thought about this man who was so aggravated that he didn’t get the appreciation he felt he deserved, I though to myself, who’s he doing the nice things for? If you expect something in return (even if its simply appreciation) are you not just serving yourself?

Then God- My intervener- challenged me. As I heard the words ringing clear as day in my mind, I knew God was asking me.

Who are YOU serving?

“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not see the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5

I began to think about my own life and about how I serve God. If I serve because I want God to see that I am doing works for him, if I serve because I want God to recognize what I do- then I am not serving God at all. I am serving myself. If ever I have an expectation that someone should thank me for what I have done, then I have stopped serving them. I am serving myself. I am not saying it is wrong thank others, but I do think it is self-serving to expect rewards, be they intrinsic or extrinsic, in return for service.

I do also realize that perhaps, I had a bad case of log eye….

Happy Birthday to You!

2005-04-14T06:21:00.000-07:00

Please join me in singing 'Happy Birthday to You' to my beautiful and talented Aunt, and Friend, Darlene.

*start singing everyone!*

~Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Darlene, Happy birthday to you.

May God bless you, may God bless you, may God bless and keep you the whole year through!~

May your 40th year be filled with

Happy times
Many laughs
Inspiration to write
A published book
Many a shoe store guy checking you out
All the fun of still being young
And all the wisdom that comes with age
And last- but certainly the greatest of all these things- Blessings, grace, and a relationship with God that will continue to grow closer and closer…

Happy 40th Dar!

I (heart) (maple leaf) (Cow leg)

2005-04-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

So after feeling out of the loop for so long, Jeff was kind enough to interview me. Without any further ado, here it is.

1. Bigger Jerk, Anonymous commenter on your post "Zork the Car Thief", or Bob the new hire? Follow up question: since you've never seen them together, have you considered the possibility that they are one and the same person?

“Atheist I can handle- Alien I cannot- so as long as you’re not green and chasing me you’re welcome to comment anytime.”

I would have to say that Bob the new hire is the bigger jerk. The way I see it is, I can handle some anonymous troller who means basically nothing to me in the grand scheme of things telling me I’m a lousy poet, and a dumb @ss because I may very well be- I really don’t know… Bob however wins the prize for king jerk for the simple reason that I can exercise a lot more patience and control when I am writing then I can do in person. Bob really took it upon himself to test that patience for the 3 miserable days that he lasted here. Lucky for me he quit before he finished training, or I’m sure that stapler would have left bruise on his forehead by now.

I would honestly doubt however that bob is the one that left the comment, simply because I doubt that Bob could have formed a complete sentence, let alone operate a complex piece of technology such as a computer….but then again, maybe I’m just bitter toward him…

2. Since you obviously live near Darlene, I'm assuming you're also Canadian. Do you like the Canadian healthcare system? In your experiences, has it been fair (accessible)? Effective (gotten good results)? Efficient (timely)?

Canadian healthcare eh? Yes- the system is great (In theory), and I do believe that it is fair, (in theory), but In my personal experience, I have not seen it to be effective (in Theor- oh no wait, this parts true). Ok- the biggest problem with Canadian healthcare is that Canada can only pay its doctors what our taxes will allow, so we find that many of student doctors getting their degrees and moving to the states because $ca-ching$ They can make a bundle more. (at least I’ve heard this is the case). So we get the leftovers, and though I’m sure there are some good doctors out there- I haven’t encountered them. Personally, I’ve only encountered the type that couldn’t tell the bruise on Bob the new hire’s head if they were there when I threw the stapler. Of course with that said- if I ever had a heart attack or something seriously wrong with me, I will thank my lucky stars that I live here in Canada, our true north strong and FREE!

3. Better Canadian export to the US: cheap pharmaceuticals, or mad cow disease? Follow up question: better import from the US: draft-dodgers or Fox News Channel?

It might interest you to know that during the mad cow scare a bumper sticker company made a fortune with I love Canadian beef bumper stickers/t-shirts/fridge magnets etc… (Actually they were more like I (heart) (Maple leaf) (cow head). At the same time the radio stations spewed out strange but interesting tidbits of information such as,

*official reporter voice* “The threat of Mad Cow is only present if you eat the brain of the cow or part of the nervous system, so as long as you avoid such foods as ground beef and hotdogs, the risk is very minimal.”

EEEEWWWW! Remind me not to eat any hot dogs….. (maybe I should change the bumper sticker to I (heart) (maple leaf) (Cow leg) or something a little safer then the head!)

I think the better export would have to be the cheap pharmaceuticals, because maybe if we give you guys down there enough cheap prescriptions and get you doped up enough, you would buy more of our mad co- er, um, I mean Canadian beef…

The better import without a doubt is Fox. I mean for the longest time it was my only way of watching the Simpson’s, and they still plays it more then any Canadian station does! I just have to make sure not to leave the TV in the bedroom on if I watch it at night, otherwise when I get up at 2 am to go pee, some lady in a swimsuit will either be telling me to “pick up the phone"… Or I will get sucked into buying the Ronco food dehydrator, or the Chef Tony knife set. Oooohhh I love infomercials:)

4. What is under your kitchen sink right now? And is any of it alive?

Garbage bags, generic cleaner, a dish rack, a basin, some bleach. Well that’s what I can see from a far anyways, and I’m a little worried of what could be living near the back- so I try to leave it alone.

I really liked the “what’s on your desk" question that some others got, so I figured I would answer that one too.
A monitor
a keyboard
a phone
a message pad
a mouse
a clock
a “Barrel of Monkeys monkey”
a Spongebob Squarepants water bottle
another water bottle
a bottle of iced tea
a Tim’s green tea
an in/out tray
two packages of sweet and low
some post it notes
two file organizers
2 note spindlesmy ID badges complete with spongebob lanyard
a Patrick Pez dispenser
my pens
my Spongebob pencil
my trusty stapler
and of course, my 'to do' pile.

5. More important behavior in a man: opening/holding the door for you, or putting the toilet seat back down?

I honestly didn’t know they were capable of either. When I try and tell my husband to put the toilet seat down, he replies by saying,

“I need the seat up when I pee, do you put the seat up when you’re finished?”

So I gave up on that battle.

I guess now that the interview is complete, I’m supposed to interview 5 people, so if you would like to be interviewed by me leave a comment and let me know and I will get the questions out to you.

Remember that time when...

2005-03-31T11:51:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite phrases in the world would have to be,

“Do you remember the time when…”

It wasn’t until I was sitting in the food court with Darlene picking apart a chicken finger and tossing it into my dish of poutine that got a greater understanding of why I love it so much. Darlene quoted me something that she had read that said,

“The past is beautiful because one never realizes an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don’t have complete emotions about the present, only about the past.”- Virginia Woolf

We of course started joking about it right away reminiscing about the events that just happened a few minutes ago like,

“Remember that time we shared a chubby chicken meal at the food court?”

“Remember that time we stood in line at A&W?”

“Remember that time we remembered that time?”

When I got to think about it more seriously I realized how much truth is in this statement. My best friend and I spend so much of out time saying “remember that time when…” to each other and laughing hysterically about it that I sometimes wonder if we will ever create new memories. Little do we know these memories and emotions that are being created right now, though not seeming so strong at the time, can become so funny that you find yourself spitting coffee in your sister’s ear, (just as Tammy has done) or laughing in a customers ear while reading an email from me (as she has also done).

Tammy has lived in about 6 or 7 places since I met her some 7 years ago in high school. We would talk now and then in the cafeteria but never really hung out. Finally we decided it would be a great idea to hang out after school and to tell you the truth, we have been best friends ever since. When we would first hang out after school, we would laugh and joke about things that happened at school. When she Moved to house number 2 the phrase, “remember that time…” was introduced into our friendship, and is now probably the most overused phrase that we say together! It wasn’t until about apartment number 4 that one of us finally realized that whenever she would move, we would spend the time in the new apartment reminiscing about the last one and the events that surrounded that “era” of our friendship. As strange as it sounds, it was almost as if the memories that we were creating at the time were off limits until she moved again.

This really makes me think about what heaven must be like. If every day that emotion of your love grows stronger, imagine after thousands of years how much love for the Lord must be built up. Perhaps this is why angels are always depicted as glowing or radiating light- perhaps they have simply spent so much time with God and they are so full of love that they beam with it. God has loved you since the day that you were conceived, imagine how much that love had grown and expanded over the ages. That love is so strong and so plentiful that you could wrap the world in it, and keep warm on the coldest winters night.

A few days ago, I was telling Trevor that when I get to Heaven, I would want to tell Jesus a joke so funny that he would squirt cream soda out of his nose- Trevor simply replied,

“He’s probably heard it already…”

“Darn” I thought. Then I turned to him and said,

“You know what I would love to do then? I’d love to sit with Jesus and say, remember that time when…”

What's your favorite memory?

Blessings,

Steph

Please Remember...

2005-03-23T07:48:00.000-08:00

Easter is fast approaching and with Good Friday just a few days away- I knew I needed to post.

Yesterday, as I was walking through the mall with my best friend I began to look around at all the shops. Almost every one of them was decorated In a nauseating pastel rainbow of eggs, bunnies, baby chicks, and all things Commercially “Easter”, As I walked through the center court of the mall, an overgrown bunny was waving at children, hoping to lure them in for a sit on his lap- and of course, the overpriced under quality picture that would then accompany it.

As I began to get lost in this whirlwind of commercialized Easter, I began wondering to myself- Where in the world is Jesus in all of this? It wasn’t until I was in the very back of a tiny little shop that I finally found something to do with Jesus, and strangely enough- it was nowhere near the Easter collection! He’s the REASON we celebrate Easter- yet apparently he wasn’t good enough to make it to the front of the store for the Easter display!

It scares me that people can get so lost in the commercialized Hallmark version of Easter that they forget about our savior, so I beg you- In the midst of all the bunnies and Eggs, chicks and chocolates, Easter egg hunts and family dinners- remember Jesus. Remember that he suffered and died so that you may find eternal life with God. I don’t know when Easter ever became about bunnies and eggs and being gouged on cheap chocolates, but I can tell you this-Jesus wasn’t crucified In a bunny suit- and I’m sure He didn’t hide chocolate eggs in pretty pastel foil In the tomb when He rose! Remember this gift he has blessed you with- because at the end of the day, when the chocolates are eaten, and the decorations are gone- the gift of salvation will remain.

Have a wonderful and Christ filled Easter.

Blessings,

Steph

In awe of prayer

2005-02-25T08:58:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning I wasn’t sure I’d be able to find my way to the washroom to take a shower, let alone manage to get myself ready for work. I felt so tired I was nearly delirious. I felt dead on my feet. I think it can be chocked up to a snoring blanket hogging husband, and a cold bedroom, but of course, I don’t want to point any fingers. Maybe I’m just bitter because I’m tired.

Nevertheless I felt the need to close my eyes in the car as my husband drove himself to work. I figured I could wake up when we arrived at his work (as I often do) and then hop into the drivers seat and make my way to work. As I sat in the car my mind began to wander, and I began to think about prayer. Though I feel a little bit stupid for not seeing this before, I realized how incredible it is that we have the ability to have direct communication with our creator. Think of it this way- I can’t go talk to the president of my company without having 50 Admin people, variations of managers, and countless other staff try to cut in- hoping to deal with me first because the presidents time is just to valuable. I can’t call up the leader of my city, province, or country, just to chat, or to even give thanks for something they have done. Nope, instead of that I would end up saying thanks to Mr. Political leader’s 8th in command’s secretary’s receptionist, who would assure me that they would “pass the message on” and undoubtedly toss it as soon as the phone hangs up.

At the same time, our God, who’s greatness far surpasses any of these people mentioned above, and everything in existence for that matter, WANTS to hear from me, WANTS to have a relationship with me. At any moment, regardless of time and place, whether it is something big or small, despite my appearance, my walk of life, shape, size, color, or any other thing that may cause the rest of the world to judge me- I can fall to my knees and pray to a loving father, who listens, who cares, and wants to hear from me. I mean really, what more can I ask for? Is that not just another example of what a perfect and loving God we have?

In the Words of MC Hammer from the Lyrics of 'Pray' (and yes in case you are wondering, I know I'm a huge nerd for quoting MC Hammer on my blog!)

We're sending this one out to the Lord
(That's word,we pray)
And we thank you and we know we need to pray
(That's word,we pray)
Cause all the blessings that are good they come from above
(That's word,we pray)
And once again we want to say "thank you" to the Lord with all our love

Thank you lord because I CAN thank you and speak to you whenever my heart desires. Thank you that I can come to you no matter who or where I am. That you don’t pass any single one of us off as “not being worthy of your time”. That you love us, you want to hear from us any time of day, and that to speak to you, all we need to do is pray.- Amen.

Blessings~*

Steph

Judge not- lest ye be slapped in the face with the painful truth! (or something like that)

2005-02-21T09:34:00.000-08:00

Today as I was heading upstairs to grab some of my paperwork, I heard someone yell to me from across the arrivals area.

“You’re lucky to see me today!” he yelled out as he was emerging from the- what I can only assume were freshly cleaned- bathrooms. It was one of the cleaners, going about his daily duties.

I stopped and stared at him, puzzled by his statement, as I had never spoken to this man in my life, still, I had to let my curiosity win this time and so with a concerned look on my face I asked, “Oh, why’s that?”

As he walked closer to me he motioned for me to come over to him. Apparently what was worth shouting about had now become a secret, and so I walked over.
“Someone tried to kill me this weekend” he said gravely- his eyes growing wider.
“Someone tried to kill me” he repeated, “I told the police, because someone tried to kill me- but I told the police,…” he continued. “I was driving and the red Chrysler went through the stop sign and I honked and he followed me. He followed me across the city because he wanted to kill me with a club so he followed me across the city!”

At this point his eye began to twitch (no, seriously- ) and he apologized, as he apparently was so shaken by the incident that he forgot to take his pills all weekend.

He then continued to tell me all the details of the man in the red Chrysler with the club who had him in a high-speed chase across the city. I was so intrigued by this man whom I had never met who was so willing to share so much of what had happened to him hoping that I could give him some comfort. Confused and a little frightened perhaps, but truly amazed.

When he was done his story, I told him that although it was quite the ordeal, he is safe now and he should thank God for that.

To be honest, I started to walk away from that conversation thinking to myself, “What a nut job.” And because of that, God hit me in the face with a painful truth.

He spoke these words to my heart.

“That man was sincere, honest, unafraid to reveal his weaknesses and fears and these are all characteristics that you often fail to show. Above all else, you know nothing of this man other then the fact that he was looking to you for comfort- and you wanted to judge him?”

Ouch….

I guess sometimes the truth hurts!

Thank you God for speaking truth to me even when I don’t want to hear it. Although I may not always like what you have to say to me- you always have my best interest at heart, and for that I am so thankful.- Amen.

Blessings~*

Steph

Cry Me a River...

2005-02-18T07:21:00.000-08:00

Thank God it’s Friday. That’s all I can say. Between Bob the new hire and some not-so-friendly encounters with my boss yesterday, I can truly praise God that the week is nearly over!

Yesterday I was too emotional for words. As soon as anyone talked to me about ANYTHING, I could feel my eyes well up with tears. Fighting to push them down I would need to pause in the middle of conversations that weren’t even about anything that would make me sad, just to regain my composure.

I’ve noticed a lot with myself, that I can have a conversation with someone one day, and the next day, I could have the exact same conversation and it would affect me differently. This is what happened to me yesterday. A run of the mill conversation with my boss sent me into near hysterics- and had me balling in the bathroom for a good 10 minutes.

Was he mean to me? Nope.

Was I in trouble? Nope.

Was it even anything worth crying over? Nope.

Am I a complete basket case? Perhaps….

Am I feeling better? A little, but still not in much of a writing mood, so I figured I would just post one of my poems.

Lord of our creation
Keeper of my souls
Lover of our minds
One who makes me whole

Be my inspiration
Let my focus rest on you
Be the strength and wisdom
That will surely pull me through.

Allow me not dwell in grief
But let me embrace change
You- remain a constant
You always remain

Guide me by your light
Let your grace shine through
And let me not forget
I live my life for you

Blessing~*Steph

Chopsticks, Giggles, and a hard lesson learned

2005-02-16T09:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my best friend celebrated her three-year anniversary with her boyfriend. The cash flow meter was running a little lower then usual when she started to plan, but she still wanted to do something special for him so she decided instead of taking him out for dinner, she would change her apartment into a restaurant and order in. I offered my services as a waitress and the planning began.

Over the next few weeks, we accumulated an assortment of items to morph her place into a beautiful Chinese restaurant. Menus were made, the centerpiece was created, and finally at about 10:00 PM on Valentines Day it all came together. The restaurant was all set up and ready to go.

The plan was for me to be waiting at her apartment when they arrived at the house to pick up the keys she had “accidentally” left behind.

Little did Tammy know, she was getting more then she bargained for. When I was getting ready, I figured that I should play the part the to the best of my ability, so I decided to do my best to morph me to fit the theme of the restaurant. With chopsticks in my bun, my kimono on, fresh flowers in my hair, and my eyes adorned with eyeliner slants- I was ready to go. I looked like I was ready to go trick-or-treating…I looked like a fool, but I was excited and ready to serve.

I paced back and forth waiting for them to come home and when I finally heard the door, I began tot shake and heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I was so nervous, but I poked my head around the corner and with a large hospitable voice I said, “Welcome! I will be with you in a moment”.

I scuttled around the corner to light the candles on the table, and I could hear snickers of laughter. Her boyfriend whispered jokingly, “I don’t think she’s really Chinese.” Followed by more laughter.

I returned back around the corner, and trying to withhold my laughter I asked “Can I help you?”

She looked at me and said, “Steph, I love you- Thank you so much!” And then we continued with the rest of our pre-rehearsed lines.

Dinner went very well and the laughter was plentiful. I remember on one occasion hearing her boyfriend say to her, “I knew you were up to something, but never in a million years did I expect to see Steph dressed up like a Chinese waitress.”

When I got home, I began to think about what I had done. I went out of my way and made a fool of myself all for the sake of friendship. As I began to think about this more, I realized that I think at times I can be more willing to make a fool of myself for my friends, then I am to make a fool of myself for Christ.

1 Corinthians 4:10 says, “We are fools for Christ's sake…”

Am I more willing to be a fool for friendship sake then for Christ sake? I often see myself worrying that what others will think of me when I am bold in my faith in God, but still I can walk down the street dressed like a Chinese woman, and be happy that I have done something for my friend with not a care in the world of what other may think.

Lord, Please give me the strength to be as bold in my faith as I can so easily be with friends. Please help me to remember that though I may be afraid at times- and though I may look like a fool to others- That it is all for the glory of your name. I do not live for what others may think- I live for you and you alone. - Amen.

Blessings*~

Steph

Bob the New Hire

2005-02-15T11:26:00.000-08:00

If anyone out there is still checking my blog, I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I’m still around and I have been meaning to post, but I have a wicked case of bloggers block. I have still been enjoying reading all of my favorites blogs of course.

To all those who left me encouraging comments on my last post, I want to say thanks. You all really helped me out of a slump that I couldn’t for the life of me get out of.

I should be posting again soon. I’m planning to do a little housekeeping in my blog and I might try the idea of treating it a little bit more like a journal. I started journaling more when I wasn’t blogging and I found it very therapeutic.

In fact, why don’t I jump into a little bit of a journal entry right now?

Yesterday God was testing my patience...Big time. While I won’t name real names I will call this person Bob. Bob is a new hire who walked into my office on Friday with a chip on his shoulder, decided he needed not listen to a word of my orientation, or any of my instructions on how to properly fill out his paperwork and so of course, he filled out everything wrong. Normally what I do when someone fills out their paperwork wrong is I either highlight areas that still need to be filled in and leave post it notes on how to correct the forms. Apparently Bob thought he was somehow above the 75 people we have hired since I have been here, and decided to storm into my office and demand an answer on why I cant just make the corrections for him.

And so I gritted my teeth and calmly said, “Because its not my responsibility to fill out your paperwork correctly- its yours. If you’d rather- you can do nothing about it, and wait for head office to send it back to you, or you can correct it now and save yourself the hassle.”

What I really wanted to do is throw my stapler at him and tell him to get out of my office and come back when he wants to talk to me like I’m a human.

As I write this I wonder if I ever act like Bob the new hire. I wonder if I sit there while God is telling me something- ignoring everything He has to say- and then making a mess of it because I try and do it myself instead of listening to Him. I wonder if I ever storm into my prayers with a chip on my shoulder demanding answers, or demanding that God do something that He has made me fully capable of doing myself…

I wonder if there are bigger reasons that God has used Bob to test my patience. Perhaps Bob isn’t the only one that is on the verge of having something thrown at him!

Thank you God for being patient with me when I’m demanding answers, refusing to listen to you and in general acting like a Bob the new hire, sometimes I know I don’t deserve your love and patience, but you never falter. You always remain gracious and serene- and for that, I am thankful- Amen.

Blessings~*

Steph

Leaving my notebook at home.

2005-02-03T09:18:00.000-08:00

I used to go to McNally Robinson every Thursday for their open mike poetry reading.

Each and every Thursday all of us regulars and always a few newbies would crowd into the bookstore coffee shop (which by the way was the size of a thimble) and anxiously await our chance to be heard. When it was finally my chance to be heard, I would leap four victorious inches up onto the 2 by 2 foot platform…*ahem* I mean stage, and recite my poem with all my heart and soul. When I would finish I would eagerly await the applause from the crowd. Not necessarily because I was good at what I did, but because as an audience member and fellow reader, it was the crowds obligation. To be quite honest, most of us weren’t listening anyway. We were there to be heard. The irony was, because we all had our own agendas of “needing to be heard” no one ever got heard. They got humored.

If a poem is recited in a coffee shop, and no one chooses to listen, did it make a sound?

On a few occasions, I decided that I would leave my notebook at home and chose to be simply a spectator, and I really enjoyed it. There are a lot of fascinating people out there if you take the time to actually listen, without agendas-without just waiting for your turn to speak. I think my favorite of all time was a woman who sang a song she had written about her collection of banana peel stickers. It was by far the most peculiar thing I had heard in quite some time, but it was sincere, unique, and absolutely…. her.

When I write a post, I get very excited. I victoriously hop on to my Internet and post it with all my heart and soul. Then I wait for my comments, my sign that people are reading. Not necessarily because what I wrote was good, but because as fellow bloggers in the audience of blogland, I think we too can feel that same obligation to comment. It makes me wonder if I spend my time in blogland just waiting for my chance to be heard and never really listening to anyone else?

I often wonder when I’m reading the other blogs if I might enjoy them more if I leave my own blog aside and take the time to really listen like I did at the readings.

Perhaps I will give it a try.

I don’t know if that necessarily means that I will stop updating my blog altogether and eventually delete it, or if it just means that I will throw it on the back burner for a while.

Right now all I know, is that I want to stop and listen. I want to leave my notebook at home.

From Gallant to Gutless… What Gives???

2005-02-01T13:57:00.000-08:00

On my computer monitor I have a paper taped up that says:

~*Choose your attitude.

This simply means if I chose to be miserable I will be, and likewise if I chose to be happy I will be.

Allow me to take a trip down memory lane for a moment. For those of you who don’t already know this, I used to be a Goth. What I mean by this was I had jet-black hair, dark makeup, chains, dog collars, and wild clothes and a dark personality and a dismal outlook on life. At that point in my life I couldn’t care less what people thought of me, I chose not to care. Nothing would stand in the way of me being who I wanted to be.

Now that my hair is red again, my makeup isn’t dark, and all my old clothes have been packed up into a bag for goodwill, I’m wondering if perhaps I threw my self-confidence in that bag with the chains and clothes? Doesn’t it seem ridiculous that I would care more about what people think of me now then I did when I used to walk around looking like a clown that had been dragged through a puddle of oil?

For the past week it feels as though I have been kicked repeatedly in my spiritual groin and it’s because I didn’t make the choice not let others get the best of me.

I’ve made the choice to believe in God, to love God and to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior, and now I’m choosing not to be bound by the fear of what other may think of my beliefs.

I was once a lost lost soul
Searching for something to make me whole
Serving the world and sinking in to sin
Unaware that God could see
All my sin- but He came to me
Now He fills my emptiness within

I’m free-
It makes me want to dance
I know that now I have
The chance
To be the person God wants me to be
My love-
For God I will not cower
I’ll stand strong
I am a tower
Built with love of God for all to see
He is in me
And I’m free!

The chains by which I was once bound
To the world- shattered on the ground
At my feet as I dance and praise the Lord
Through His people He has saved me
And this wondrous gift He gave me
All from Jesus’ blood that was poured

I’m free-
It makes me want to dance
I know that now I have
The chance
To be the person God wants me to be
My love-
For God I will not cower
I’ll stand strong
I am a tower
Built with love of God for all to see
He lives in meAnd I’m free!

Is the pen mightier then the blog?

2005-01-31T07:48:00.000-08:00

When I used to use a pen and a notebook- I never had a problem, but a blog gets involved and now I wonder-

If writing is supposed to be my refuge, my escape from the world and all its criticism, hate, and callousness, what am I supposed to do when my writing is now bringing me right back to that which I was running from?

Mommy's Little Angel

2005-01-28T16:25:00.000-08:00

I wrote this poem for a friend a while back but today, I want to dedicate this to a fellow blogger who is in the midst of a very troublesome time. Despite all she is going through, her focus is still rested on God. She has more strength then I could ever imagine having and I believe her hope is truly an inspiration to all of us.

They say an Angel is never born to this world
so where do these Angels come from?
I think its time we take a look
at all of the would have been moms.
They conceived more then a child
A soul began to grow
And when that soul was ready
It was time for it to go
If mommy could see her Angel now
she'd be so happy and proud
but mommy wont see her baby
until she joins her in the clouds.
A new angel was born to the heavens
while sadness was brought here on earth
if only the would- have-been mommy’s
knew what their sadness was worth.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Steph

Super Mom, CGA

2005-01-28T07:00:00.000-08:00

When I was a little kid, I was always amazed at how my mom could tell just what I was doing. I don’t know if it was the look on my face, the tone in my voice, or the fact that I was being too quiet to not be doing something bad. When I would here the drawn out call, “Stephanie!” I knew that was it. These powers she possessed, stretched far beyond catching me red handed doing something, they were able to distinguish between whether I was REALLY sick, or just too tired to go to school, they were able to see when my heart was breaking, even when I was doing everything in my power not to cry.

When my mom started taking CGA some 7ish years ago, I was excited. My mom was going to school and I was proud. Unfortunately because I was a selfish teenager who wasn’t willing to cope with the fact that my mom now had a life and wouldn’t be at my beckon call 24-7, the excitement didn’t last long. I was mad, I was throwing temper tantrums, I would make her feel so guilty for not spending all her time with her anymore that I’m amazed that she didn’t quit, or hoof me one. Still, she managed, always pulling off top of the line marks despite an irritating teenager, a leg operation, 2 family deaths, countless colds that she managed to fend off until just after her exams, 2 graduations, 2 weddings, 1 new baby in the family, friends who were treating her worse then I was, a crumby job, a search for a better job, getting a better job, a move, all holidays, and of course, holding down a full time job and maintaining a family. Still through it all, she somehow managed to keep that ability to know more about me then I would ever let on. While I would constantly bug her and bug her to pay attention to me, she would continue to do her work, but she always seemed to know when I REALLY needed her, and for that she always made time.

Last night I returned a call to her from a message that she had left the night before. I knew it was late, but I still decided to call. As I asked her why she called, I could here my dad in the background, obviously half asleep and not impressed that I called so late. My mom had called to tell me that she got her exam mark back and that she got an 89 percent. (Way to go!) I was so proud of her, so I congratulated her, and then let her go because they were sleeping.

A few minutes later my phone rang. Apparently she KNEW again that I desperately needed to talk- and so after unloading every little thing that has been emotionally bogging me down for the past few weeks and talking everything out, I apologized for the rant and let her go back to bed.

She knew. She was half asleep and she still knew that I really needed someone to talk to. Apparently that special mom superpower doesn’t fade after adolescence, or a different house, or marriage, in fact its stronger then ever!

Now she has only one class left and she will have her designation and I couldn’t be happier for her. Pretty soon she wont just be Super Mom…

She will be Super Mom, CGA.

The "Right Stuff"

2005-01-26T12:07:00.000-08:00

Being at a loss for words today, I prayed to God and asked Him to inspire me with something. As I continued my day, the word passion came to my mind, sat down, grabbed a diet Pepsi, put its feet up on my couch and refuses to leave. (Kind of like me at Dar’s!)

I knew how to use the word passion in context, but wanted to be sure that I knew the meaning before I started to babble on about it so I went to one of my favorite sites, Dictionary.com, and got these three meanings:

~*A powerful emotion, such as love.

~*Boundless enthusiasm.

~*The sufferings of Jesus in the period following the Last Supper and including the Crucifixion, as related in the New Testament.

I think that if the attitudes of a Christian could be summed up into one word it should be passion. A powerful emotion such as love or faith for the suffering of Jesus, coupled with boundless enthusiasm. Though the dictionary gave them three separate meanings; I think they compliment each other quite well.

I realized that God gave me the word passion for a reason. For the last few weeks it seems as though I have been very melancholy, in fact some day’s I’ve been down right miserable. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me but as I was explaining to one of the ladies in our church that it felt like I was carrying my spiritual life around in a burlap sack tied around my ankle. Still, I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling this way. I have been doing so much for the church lately and surely that would have me in high spirits, wouldn’t it? As I read the meaning on my computer screen I realized that I was getting so caught in what I was doing, I forgot the reasons why. Yes, I was serving the church- how much of my servitude was for God?

Passion, appetite, ardor, aspiration, avidity, craving, desire, drive, eagerness, earnestness, emulation, energy, enterprise, enthusiasm, hankering, hope, hunger, initiative, itch, keenness, longing, love, moxie, pretension, push, right stuff, spirit, striving, thirst, vigor, yearning, zeal- whatever you want to call it, how do you stop yourself from losing it?

How do you stop yourself from getting so caught up in the “what” that you forget the “why”?

What would you say?

2005-01-25T13:49:00.000-08:00

When Trevor and I were doing our pre-marital counseling, we had to answer some questions to each other regarding out spiritual beliefs. One of the questions was, “If God were to ask you right now why He should let you into heaven, what would your answer be?”

I didn’t have an answer. At that point, I didn’t even know if I would have the chance to stand at those mighty gates and state my case, so I left my paper blank. I wasn’t truly living for Christ so what could I say? Trevor on the other hand without realizing it made a very profound statement. He simply said,

“I know your son.”
__________________________________

Though I try to walk Your path
I may stagger and I may sway
I will pick myself back up
And keep You in my sights each day

I will laugh and I will cry
I will pray and I will sin
I will scream some words out loud
And I will keep some feelings in

I will spread the news of Christ
My savoir from sin
And throughout my earthly life
There will be a battle from within

And on that very day
When I come to meet my fate
As I stand before our God
At Heaven's mighty gates

And the Lord asks
“Why my child- should I let you in?”
I will say, “Lord I'm not perfect,
And I know that I have sinned-

Some battles have been lost,
And some battles have been won
All I can truely say is
Lord, I know your son.”

The Name Game

2005-01-24T10:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday on the way to church with my nieces, Kimberly explained that she had been reading the news channel when her parents were watching and was wondering something. Thinking it would be some hard-hitting questions about the tsunami or something to that effect she simply asked,

“Steph, Who’s the Pope?”

Knowing that these kids have barely an understanding of who Jesus is (as they have only been going to church for a few months), I knew that they would have no concept of the different denominations and that I would have to keep it simple, so after thinking about it for a second I said,

“Different people go to different kinds of churches. Uncle Stephen’s church is called Pentecostal; the church we go to is called Church of God, and some people go to churches called Catholic Church. The Pope is like the boss of the Catholic Church, kind of like Jim at your daddies work, he’s the boss.”

Then with a slightly puzzled look on her face she sat there in silence for a minute and then said, “And the popes name is John Paul right?”

I replied, “Yes”

Finally she spit it out what was really on her mind and asked, “Steph? If great grandpa’s name is John Paul, does that mean he’s the pope?!”

The scary part is, I thought the exact same thing when i was a kid...

I guess great minds think alike!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words draw me closer to Jesus

2005-01-21T13:07:00.000-08:00

It seems as though in the past few weeks I have been spiritually attacked a number of time, many of which have been on my blog. Some of you may have seen the comment posted under “Zork the Car Thief” and there were a few that were posted under “Everything to Everyone” that I deleted because of profanity which I felt was inappropriate. Because of this I am learning something amazing. God is using these people to teach me and to strengthen my faith and my relationship with him, and so every time I get a rude comment posted, or someone says something to me, I run to my father’s arms for protection and I draw nearer to him.

I generally tend to be somewhat non-confrontational and normally cower from very “in your face” people and situations but in the instance of the “Zork the Car Thief” comment I didn’t cower. Facing my fears was what the “Zork the Car thief” blog was all about, and because I had to face a fear of confrontation with the writer of that comment- they allowed me to illustrate my point further.

And so- though I’m not by any means asking the people who are nice to me to start attacking me, I want to thank those who have, for helping me to draw closer to God, and to learn that He will never give me more then I can handle.

~Sticks and stones may break my bones but words draw me closer to Jesus~.

Blessings,

Steph

Everything to Everyone (and no I dont mean the BNL album!)

2005-01-21T10:22:00.000-08:00

Last night Jesus and I had a heart to heart. Though it lasted mere minutes, it memory will stand out in my mind for a lifetime.

Every Thursday night I attend a ladies bible study. The book we are currently using as a study guide tends to leave a lot to be desired. Last night after we were done reading the chapter and answering the not-so-thought-provoking questions- the train of spiritual thought that is our group was saved from coming to a screeching halt on the cover of the book, and started back up faster and stronger then I had ever experienced in that group before. One of the ladies in the group wanted to share with us a type of devotional that she had been reading, and though the title eludes me, the book amazed me.

The book was about talking to God, but more then that, it was about listening to the answers that God gives you.

The first thing that it said, was to ask yourself whatever question that you had for God first, and answer it. This is so that you are able to distinguish between what you would answer for yourself and the answer that God has for you as His would obviously be far greater then anything your own mind could have imagined. This is to eliminate the doubt that most would have in saying- It's not God- its just you!

It then asks you to close your eyes and say to Jesus, “Where would you like me to meet you today?” It may be a familiar place, it may be a somewhere you’ve never seen before, but once he shows you that place in your mind you are to mentally seek him out and stay there.

So I wanted to share with you the experience that I had. The question that I was to ask was, “God, who are you?”

So here is the view from my minds eye.

I closed my eyes and asked, “God, where do you want to meet me today?” Immediately I had the picture of my old living room in BC in my mind. There was a fireplace directly in front of me and to my right there was the top of the staircase. Once I looked over at the stairs, I saw Jesus and he walked toward me. I ran toward him only to see that he was much taller then me- and then I realized I was a child of only 6 or 7 years old.

I went and sat in front of the fireplace and Jesus sat down cross legged in front of me and I asked, “Jesus, who are you?”

Jesus replied- “I am your heart, the blood that runs through your veins.”

I replied- “NO. That’s MY answer. I’m going to ask you again. Jesus, Who are you?”

He got up walked around me and knelt down in front of me, this time on the other side of the room. He looked at me and held my hand. He said, “ I am your life. I am your father. I have been with you every moment of your existence, and will be with you every moment to follow. I am your caregiver, I will always be with you and I will always take care of you.”

When he was done I gave Jesus a big hug and the image in my mind dissipated.

I opened my eyes that were now a well of tears, wiped them dry and waited for the other ladies to be finished.

When the discussion went around the room to see if it had worked for people, and what they learned God was, I learned that if I were to ask the same question to God next year, or next week, or even tomorrow- the answer could change. He is, precisely what each person needs in every step of their walk of faith. He is a healer, He is a father, He is strength, He is a caregiver, He is life, and He is the one who makes all things possible. For every need you have every step of the way he is there and he fills that need.

For every need, every time, Jesus-is everything to everyone.

Penny for your burdens?

2005-01-20T06:08:00.000-08:00

People hate change. It’s a simple statement. It’s a generalization. It’s true. Change in life, change in their wallet, big or small- People hate dealing with it. It’s a burden. The question is why? Why is it that change is just about as dreaded a word as death or- public speaking?

I want to start with the change in your wallet. Even the statement “The change in your wallet” says a lot about how we perceive change. Although the change in my wallet may consist of many different coins that would be easier to handle one at a time, pennies, nickels, quarters and loonies- its THE change and therefore more intimidating. Altering the perception of change can sometimes be enough to not see it as such an intimidating thing. When it comes to the “big” changes in life- perhaps its best to see it as a group of smaller changes. Instead of seeing this major event that stands before you- take it piece by piece- Deal with the pennies, nickels, quarters then dimes- taking careful time with each to neatly roll them up.

I have a Stitch cup on my dresser that I keep all my loose change in. I hate carrying the change around with me so I offload the burden of it there and because of this I see great rewards. Usually one Saturday afternoon when I am busy cleaning, I will move my stitch cup to dust (Mom would be so proud- I’m not dusting AROUND things anymore!) Anyways, when I lift up the cup, I see how heavy it has gotten without me noticing. I realize that I have saved! –Yippee!-

I think the same is to be said with all the little pieces of change that we face in life. I think that everyone should have a God Cup on their spiritual dresser that they place their burdens into. If change is a burden- place it into his hands (or cup). Sooner or later you will start to see the rewards of trusting your life to God. One day you will lift up your God cup and say Yippee!! I’ve been saved.

Zork the Car Thief

2005-01-18T07:47:00.000-08:00

I am the shadow
In the corner of your eye
The reason that you wake up from your sleep
And start to cry
The monsters in your closet
And the ghosts under your bed
But you keep me alive
As I dwell within your head
Though you control me
I can bring you down to tears
I am a trick of your mind
You have named me your fear.

I’ve been told that Satan will use your fears to try and make you lose focus on God. I think this time- I lost focus on reality!

As I sat on my aunties couch last night rekindling an old friendships I was overwhelmed with the sense that although we had missed about 6 years of friendship, its as if we hadn’t skipped a beat. I felt like she was my shrink as I lay with my feet up on her brown couch and talked and talked for hours.

At one point, we got to talking about what we were afraid of. I told her about aliens. I’m terrified of them- but at the same time, I don’t even want to believe that they exist. Well after some full bellied laughter from my shrink, followed by a little bit of mocking and some imaginary scenarios of an alien wobbling its way out from her kitchen, she gave me some good advice. As we talked more about it, I shared with her about how when I see a shadow or something outside (even though its probably a person) I always assume it’s an alien and get freaked out and run. She told me to face my fears, and approach the “alien”.

So as I drag raced with blowing snow down the perimeter on the way home last night, I got to thinking about it. Then I just started thinking about aliens in general. Then I got freaked out. As I was turning into my neighborhood I remembered what she had said and with a sudden burst of bravery I courageously said out loud,

“If there are any aliens around here- c’mon out! I’m ready for ya!”

As I proceeded to drive down my street, I saw a leg pop out from between two parked cars.

As I dislodged my heart from my throat, and pondered how I was going to clean this mess in the car- I managed to get a closer peek at the alien who nearly had me spinning donuts in the street franticly trying to escape, and to my relief he was wearing denim- very common among humanoids. Apparently Zork missed his spaceship landing and wouldn’t be out to scare me tonight!

When I woke up this morning I was calmed and laughing at myself for being so stupid as to get so scared.
Then I realized- what was that guy doing hiding between two parked cars anyway?

Ditch the Advil- Pop a prayer!

2005-01-14T17:24:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday I was at our ladies group, and one of the Ladies was suffering with terrible back pain. As I was thumbing through my mental medicine cabinet trying to find something that was tried tested and true that I could recommend I heard her say, “I don’t like to take pills unless its very bad because then I don’t know if it’s the pills numbing my pain, or God healing me.” As I started to think about this more I realized that I was only letting God have as much control over my life as I had and that I was limiting the amazing things that God can do in my life because I’m a control freak. Its like we were fighting over the drivers seat- and all along, I should have scooted over and let God take the wheel- because I was only stopping us from moving forward.

Could you imaging driving in a car with your child and every time you came to an intersection they started pulling the car in the direction that THEY wanted to go. My knuckles would be white trying to grip the wheel and my face red with anger as I used every ounce of my already too short patience trying to maintain control. Quite simply put- I was being a jerk to God.

So with all that said- I felt the onset of a migraine headache while I was at work yesterday. I got my water bottle and started to walk to go fill it up. Each step I took seemed to vibrate shots of pain through my head and my nausea was on the brink of being promoted to full-fledged vomit. Yes, I tell you I was a bucket of sunshine. When I got back to my office I sat down, water in hand- ready to grab my Advil and be rid of this incessant pain. But for a moment- I stopped. I thought of this friend, who suffers through her pain so that she can really feel God’s healing touch, and so though I knew the Advil would have me pain free and lovin’ life, I declined. I put the bottle down and I bowed my head instead. It wasn’t instantaneous relief but it also didn’t last nearly as long as the 2 to 5 days they can sometimes last piled, with 1-3 Advil, every 2-4 hours. And the best part is- He placed his healing touch on me, not his temporary pain relief coupled with slight drowsiness and foggy mind touch, but his HEALING touch. He didn’t relieve my pain- He cured it!

Ditch the Advil and Pop a prayer!

Just wanted to finish off with a poem about the power of prayer.

I am but a prayer
Stronger then you can conceive
A warrior a messenger
For those who do believe
Your arms stretched to the Lord
Thanks to God for the morning light
A scream in desperation
A whisper in the still of the night
Your plea for his forgiveness
Your request for strength and love
Blessings for a loved one
From your heavenly Father above
Your hope for guidance and light
When you know you cannot cope
Your expression of love to God
I am words that Jesus spoke
I am but a prayer
Stronger then you can conceive
A warrior a messenger
For ALL who do believe.

The Perfume Lady

2005-01-13T17:45:00.000-08:00

My office is situated right across the hallways from the locker room for one of the security companies at the airport, and most of the time they annoy me. They are noisy and they eat their lunch on chairs that face into my office and stare at me. Chewing and staring. And of course, once a day there is the woman who I have named the perfume lady. She comes down to get her lunch, and every day she brings along with her a cloud that smells like rubbing alcohol, bug spray and dollar store air freshener. Due to the fact that we have absolutely NO ventilation down here, the simple act of her walking into their locker room sends forward a storm of funk barreling into my office, and the smell hangs…. It sticks and it hangs and it stinks. Frankly I’d much rather keep the stink of Diesel fuel that is the constant smell in my office (from the tarmac) instead of this- It’s as if someone left a nice smell out for too long and it went bad.

Anyways, within a half hour my head feels like it’s a drum being beaten on by the perfume lady with drumsticks made of her perfume. Every day at 10:55, which is about 5 minutes before they get their lunch breaks- I pray that she is not in and that I wont have to put up with her funk, still every day- I don’t do the simplest thing. I don’t go close my door.

This is the part where in every one of my blogs I say, “So I was thinking about how this relates to me and God”, and although I have no problem with remaining predictable; I thought I would give an explanation as to why I always do this. Simply put- I am about the farthest thing from a perfect person- and I do stupid things… a lot…. Unfortunately I never seem to recognize that I do them. When I finally see what I am doing, it eventually leads me to make a positive change, and I thought if I apply some of these realizations to how spiritually stupid I can be sometimes, perhaps it will lead to me creating a stronger relationship with God.

With that said- I was looking at my daily events and comparing them to how I behave in my relationship with God. Picture if you will- if the perfume lady was Satan, and her smell was his temptations. Because I am so stubborn and I won’t sacrifice having my door open to avoid the smell- I get hit, every time. But if I just made that sacrifice for 10 minutes a day and closed the door, it would make a world of difference. Perhaps I need to close the door on some of those things that lead me into temptation to avoid the headache of Sin.

Charlie and the "Nastys"

2005-01-12T11:41:00.000-08:00

Charlie is a crazy old man that used to write conspiracy theories in code and hand them out to everyone at the hotel I worked at. He would come in every day with his stories of how Marlon (one of the managers) and the housekeeping department were conspiring with the “Nastys” and Earls for world domination. When he used to come in everyone ran- and I was left alone to hear him explain his stories to me and ask me to make copies. I of course never minded, and sometimes even looked forward to our visit. After a while- he would only explain the conspiracies to me and refused to talk to any other clerk. (Apparently they were part of the world domination plot too!) I had a place in that crazy old mans heart- and he had a place in mine. People used to ask me all the time why I even bother listening to him and I was always very honest. “One day,” I would say, “I could end up a crazy old lady who delivers my theories to some clerks at a hotel- and I would want someone to listen to me.”

We had many Theories of why Charlie wrote what he wrote.

Perhaps he was an old war veteran with a splash or senility and a bit of posttraumatic stress syndrome.

Maybe he was a delusional schizophrenic.

Maybe he wasn’t crazy at all and he just faked it for kicks.

But I was thinking about him lately and I realized. Charlie was a blogger without a blog. Maybe his theories were a little out there- but he wanted nothing more then to be heard. He was a writer who was passionate about every word squished together on that piece of paper- and although I haven’t become crazy or senile…yet- I’m just a lady who delivers my thoughts to some people online hoping that someone will listen to me.

And so if you are reading this- thank you. Thank you for showing me the same courtesy that I showed Charlie. I never though I’d realize how great I must have made him feel- to truly have someone interested in what you have to say- but I realize now that writers are all about words, and having someone interested in your words, even if its just one person, is an amazing feeling.

Nicki & Alex Become Best Friends!

2005-01-12T09:52:00.000-08:00

I wrote a kids story a while back and I Just wanted to share it with you. I dreamed that one day I would write a series of them and they would be published and become an excellent Christian kids series- but my goals tend to be a lot higher then my motivation much of the time so my guess is, it may just spend the rest of its life in blogland.

Then again- you guys are a great audience so I suppose living in blogland isn’t so bad.

Alex is my very best friend in the whole wide world! We live in a big yellow house on Cherry Tree Lane and we do EVERYTHING together.

We play together, eat breakfast lunch and dinner together, go on bike rides together, get out booboo’s fixed together. You know what else? We go with her mommy to church together, and at nighttime, her mommy reads us BOTH a bedtime story and tucks us in.

It wasn’t always this way though. In fact I only met Alex a few months ago at her last birthday party. Before then, I didn’t live with her in her big house at all; I lived in a box on the shelf of a toy store.

Her mommy was the one who first found me and took me home. She hid me up in the closet for the longest time and when that special day arrived she gave me to Alex as a present. I was so proud when I found out I was going to be a gift!

I remember how quickly she ripped all the paper off of my box and giggled with delight when she saw me.

“A teddy bear!!” I remember her saying with excitement. Then she held me in her arms and gave me a big hug. “ I will name him Nicki,” she said.

She looked so happy to see me, and I was happy to see her too, the shelf of the toy store can be a lonely place. I got to go with her everywhere that she went for the rest of the party, and after everyone else left, I got to stay!

Alex showed me all around her big house and played with some of her toys, but soon her mom came and told her it was time for bed. I thought for sure I would have to go back into the box when Alex went to sleep, but this wasn’t the case at all. Alex changed into her pajamas and gave me my very own nightcap to wear.

Alex then went and brushed her teeth, and climbed into bed. “You can sleep right here next to me, Nicki.” She whispered, her eyes now getting tired from the long day she had.

In a few minutes her mom came into the room with a book. Alex lay down and cuddled me as her mom read her a bedtime story. After her mommy was done, she told Alex that it was time to say her prayers.

“Remember Alex,” her mom said, “you need to make sure you thank Jesus for all the gifts you got today, and for all your friends who shared your very special birthday with you.”

“I will Mommy” Alex replied as her mom kissed her on the forehead, turned out the lights and left the room.

“Good Night Alex” she said softly.

As soon as her mom left, Alex climbed out of bed, knelt down beside the bed, closed her eyes and began to whisper.

“Dear Jesus, thank you for making the sweet dreams. Thank you for my birthday party, and for all the presents my friends and family gave me, especially Nicki. Please help Nicki feel at home with his new family, and watch over all of us as we sleep tonight.
Amen.”

When Alex climbed back into bed, I was puzzled. I didn’t understand WHO she was talking to. I knew it couldn’t be me, because she was talking about me, and she called that other lady Mommy, not Jesus. I decided I had to know. I leaned over to her and said,

“Alex, who were you talking to? Who’s Jesus? Is he one of your other teddy bears?”

“No” Alex Giggled. “Jesus is God’s son. See- God is the one who made you, and me and everything around us and He wants us to be good. But sometimes people don’t follow God’s rules, and he calls that a sin. So you know what god did? He sent Jesus to earth and Jesus died on a cross for us. He SAVED US.” Her eyes grew wider; “I think god must love us lots if he sent his son here to save you and me, don’t you think Nicki?”

I stared at Alex, amazed by her story, but still confused. I had so many questions. I had never heard of this God before.

Alex could see how confused I still looked so she told me that if I wanted to, I could come to Sunday school and church with her the next morning, because that’s where you learn about God. I agreed and the next morning off we went.

I didn’t get the answers to all my questions that day, but I still learn so much about Jesus every Sunday at church. I really like it there. I knew as soon as Alex took me to church that Sunday that Alex must be a wonderful friend because she taught me all about God and wanted to share his love with me.

I think a friend who shares Gods love with you, is the best kind of friend in the world!

Christ Jet Flight 777 is Now Boarding!

2005-01-09T15:45:00.000-08:00

This will be your final boarding call for Christ Jet flights 777 with service to Heaven. All passengers should now be on board through departure gate G-O-D.

Maybe it’s because I live, breath, work and yes even dream, the airport, but nevertheless I’ve been thinking a lot about how an airport is a lot like our world. Just picture, for a moment, if God ran the airport.

There are signs everywhere directing you where you need to go. Yet still so many people refuse to see them and wander aimlessly as they try to find things themselves. Finally, they find their way but are too late- their flight has already departed, and they are left to wonder if they would have found their way had they stopped and asked for directions.

Then there are the people who seem to follow the directions perfectly fine, but end up getting caught at the security counter because they are trying to sneak something by. Perhaps these are like the few that think God won’t notice their sin this time. Though it may be something small, security can see that they were trying to hide it and that it wasn’t mistakenly packed, and so unfortunately- they won’t be making their flight. Perhaps had they been upfront and told security they had this, and asked to leave it behind, it would have been different but just like our airport security- God sees everything inside your baggage.

Then of course there’s the traveler we’d all like to be. They’ve arrived on time for their flight. They read the signs, checked their baggage at the counter and board their flight without a problem. Off they soar into the heavens.

And finally there are those who refuse to travel by air. “I’d rather sit on a hot stinky bus for what feels like eternity then step inside an airport, let alone an aircraft!” They say. They hate airports with all their rules and often find them confusing. Rather then try and understand they decide that they can’t be bothered with it. Unfortunately they forgot that air travel is the fastest and safest way to get where your going- and that hot stinky bus ride that feels like eternity is about to get hotter and longer.

I Think I’ll make sure that I have my Christ Jet boarding pass. There is a nice gentleman working the ticket counter, I think his name was Jesus, anyway, he was really great at making sure I checked all of my sin with him before I try and clear security. I hear the lineup at the security checkpoint is pretty long and it can be hard to find, but hey- I’ve got the rest of my life to wait for my flight, and let me tell you, I wouldn’t miss this one for the world!

Have Faith

2005-01-06T15:59:00.000-08:00

If I try to stand alone
I will wither like a flower

If I stand by courage alone
Surely I will cower

If I stand simply by strength
I will soon become too weak

If I try to stand by confidence
I will see I must be meek

If I try to stand by hope alone
I may soon be in despair

Standing by justice alone
Will show the worlds not always fair

But if I stand by faith in God
Surely I will prevail

Though all in life may change its course
He will never fail.
__________________________

Within faith lays understanding
Belief knowledge and trust
Songs of praise, truth and prayer
Sight, feeling and touch.

Know that even in hard times
Your best interest is in His mind
Trust that the Lord has the answers
For which you may not find

Realize that there's a purpose
That God has set out for you
Though you may not understand it all
Understand that Gods love is true

Believe that God prepares you
For an eternal life with the King
Unfold His truth to others
Let your voices ring

See God and his majesty
Feel His hand placed on your heart
Touch the realities of a life
That God created from the start

Sing praise and worship to the Lord
Let your voices sail
Pray with all your might
Let your faith prevail.

A Great Big Baaaaaa for Sheep!

2005-01-05T18:55:00.000-08:00

Have you ever thought to yourself ~I’ve always wanted to be just like a sheep….~

Well I for one can say that I haven’t, but perhaps it’s not such a bad idea. In fact, I think there’s a lot to be said about the fact that Christians are so often referred to as sheep in the bible.

Baaaaaaa...

Sheep are remarkably good at being...well….. sheep. They serve great purpose, likely beyond what they could ever understand, still they are humble and simple creatures who trust in their Shepard. A Shepard will shear his sheep and although the sheep have no understanding of why this happens- they allow it to happen. They don’t ask, “Shepard! Why must this happen to me”. Little do they know that there are great things in store for the wool that they have sacrificed. They may not ever know the lives that their wool has touched, but the recipients of that wool know it came from a sheep. To think- this humble creature may have even saved a life because its wool kept someone warm through the night or perhaps their wool was used to make a gift that someone gave to show their love. Still the sheep will never know, never be stopped and thanked for their sacrifice, yet that never hinders them or their relationship with their Shepard. They just continue doing a good job at being sheep and trusting in their Shepard, no matter where their sheepish lives take them.

Sheep don’t ask questions. They know what they need to, but that’s it. I’m not saying that its wrong to have questions about the bible, God, Christianity, and so on- but I know that there are some questions that aren’t meant for us as sheep to know the answer to. Sheep know what they need to know in order to live as sheep.

Perhaps we should take example from the sheep, to learn trust, faith, sacrifice, as we live our life as Christians- devoted to our Shepard. Remember, your Shepard always has your best interest at heart.

"I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. - John 10:11

Maybe we should all give a great big Baaaaaa for sheep. They might be better Christian role models then we think.

My Mini Motivational Speakers

2005-01-04T18:34:00.000-08:00

I’ve come to realize that children are my motivational speakers. Maybe it’s the way that their bright eyes turn my heart to mush, but for whatever reason they can penetrate my thick stubborn skull and teach me things that adults never could. God really uses them to speak to me. And when they talk- I listen.

Ok. I think I need to start just before I started helping in our church's Mini-Promiseland Sunday school class. When I was asked to help teach in the class I immediately said yes. I love kids and it seemed like the perfect way to get involved, but as summer ended and Sunday school was to begin- I started to second guess myself. (Perhaps Dr. Disparo was up to his tricks again!). I didn’t know anymore if this is what I should be doing in the church. Finally I decided that God and I had to have a heart to heaven talk. On my way to pick up Trevor from work one day I began to ask God. “God- where am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to be doing for you? Lord, please, if I am where I should be- If I am doing what you want me to- then please- show me a rainbow.”

The next Sunday I walked into a newly painted Mini-Promiseland for my first Sunday with the kids. My jaw nearly hit the floor as I saw a 3 foot wide newly painted rainbow on the wall that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. God didn’t just give me a sign- he gave me a wall!
Since then I have been noticing more and more that spending Sunday mornings with those Mini-Promiselanders is the best thing that has ever happened to my spiritual life.

There was one time in particular I remember being in what felt like a spiritual blender. I was so confused about a lot of things and really angry at God. We were teaching the kids a memory verse that said “God made the World.” The teacher then enticed the kids to repeat the verse by asking, “What did God make?” One of the little girls shouted out proudly- “God made the Rainbows!”

Lately I had been wondering again if I was really doing anything for God, I mean, sure I was helping in the class, but I was still unsure. Once again God decided to use one of his children to speak to me. On Sunday there were only three kids in the Mini-Promiseland class. When it was time for the kids to have a snack Teresa (The other teacher in the class) asked who would like to say grace. All three of them put up their hands and so they each got to take a turn. First Noah said- “Thank you God for this food. Amen”, followed by his sister Grace who said, “Thank you God for this food. Amen”. Finally the last and youngest of the three, Gavin, got his turn to say grace:

“Thank you God for Noah, Grace, Tia (Teresa) and Steph.”

A two year old thanked God for me. And now I thank God every chance I get for those mini promiselanders- my mini motivational speakers.

It's a bird! It's a pen! It's Script-O-Girl!

2005-01-03T17:50:00.000-08:00

This past Christmas morning I think I was the only 21 year old that was wearing a Spongebob Squarepants blanket tied around my neck and a towel twisted atop my head- asking my husband and his family if I looked like a super hero. My mother-in law had to explain to Trevor’s grandma that, “This is what Steph is REALLY like”. And it’s true. I’m a big kid and I love it. Even in high school my friends and I used to imagine what kind of superheroes we would be. Apparently I failed to grow out of that!

I think if I could be a superhero now- I would name myself “Script-O-Girl”. My superpower would be to write the truth of God and His word on people’s heart, when they are in doubt, enduring hard times, losing faith, or even when they need a pick me up and to be reminded of Gods love.

I could picture it now *imagine fog filling the room as I drift off into my daydream*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Sitting at a bus stop is a 20-something girl listening to her headphones as she drifts into deep thought. Little does she know that Dr. Disparo is lurking behind her ready to pounce. You see; this girl had been going through some hard times but has managed to keep fairly high spirits given the circumstances. Unfortunately- Dr. Disparo had different plans for her. He sneaks up behind her and begins to whisper in her ear about how God should never have let her go through such hard times. She shakes her head trying to erase the thought but Dr. Disparo presses on. Soon this girl is angry at God and can’t understand why He has let this happen to her. Dr. Disparo lets out a maniacal laugh… He thinks he has won.

Suddenly from above the clouds he spots something flying toward him. It’s a bird! It’s a pen! Itss Script-O-Girl! Dr. Disparo tries to escape but to no avail - *POW!* *ZAP* *INK!* Script-O-Girl is victorious! Now to erase those awful thoughts Dr. Disparo has implanted in her mind. Script-O-Girl pens a truth for the girl and then faster then disappearing ink- vanishes!

Another Christian has restored her faith again thanks to- ~ Script-O-Girl!~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok, so maybe it’s a little far fetched. Why don’t I just tell you what I would have told her.

In a world where fear
Is the driving factor of your years
Where an instant can ruin your life
And bring you down to tears
Where corruption rules the works
And sin plagues all mankind
Evil’s “all the rage”
And love is hard to find
In a world that is ravaged
By evil, hate and sin
Slowly it surrounds you
As you try to fit in
Poisonous anxiety
will run ramped through your veins
Tainted thoughts come like infection
That slowly rots your brain
It’s at this very moment
You must defend
You must endure
To fight sins infectious virus
God’s love is the cure
You see you can mistake your thoughts with words
That the devil may impart
But you can never mistake a truth
The lord places on your heart.
__________________________________________

I sit beneath the clouds

The skies are dark and grey
Yet surely god he sent
A ray of hope my way
His fingerprints- his hands
Wipe clean my tears- but leave a smudge
And soon enough his healing
has me covered in his love
But here is where I stop
I finally realize
That had I not been hurt
Perched beneath dark skies
Then never would I see
His awesome healing power
For this I could only see
Amid my darkest hour

My New Year’s Resolution

2005-01-01T14:18:00.000-08:00

My New Year’s resolution is to stop believing that celebration and change need an occasion. I don’t need to wait until Easter to celebrate the sacrifices that Jesus made for us. I don’t need to wait until Christmas to celebrate that Jesus was born, and I don’t need to wait until next New Years to change something about myself that I am unhappy with.

Our life on earth is too short to spend waiting. If change is due- make changes and celebrate Jesus and all your blessings every day of the year.

Happy New Year and God bless.

~*Steph
________________________________________

Dangling before me
Is a ladder made of rope
It symbolizes trust in God
Love and faith and hope

For when I accept Christ
I begin to climb toward my fate
You see this rope is fastened
To heavens mighty gate

Though at times I may feel alone
Afraid as the ladder sways
I began climbing out of faith in God
So I will continue to climb, and pray

When I feel my hands slipping
And I think I can no longer cope
A gentle hand guides me to the next wrung
And fills my heart with hope

At times my mind may wander
As the enemy puts thoughts in my head
A gentle voice will remind me
That God’s love is my daily bread

So as quick as I can go
I climb with no delay
I have only my life to reach those gates
And today, could be my last day.

Stubborn Steph’s Spinning Tires

2004-12-31T13:40:00.000-08:00

So once again I’m here trapped in the snow. Trevor tried to shovel the snow out this morning and came into the apartment- called his dad to borrow his 4x4 and informed me that our cars tires are doing nothing but spinning. He tells me that his dad has some metal thingy that you can put under the spinning tires- and it will give it enough grip to get out of the rut. (Metal thingy... you can tell I know a lot about cars hey?) So off Trevor goes to work in his dads 4x4, and as soon as I manage to pull myself out from behind my warm blankets- I decide to take a go at it. For any of you who know me, you’re probably saying, “Yup. Sounds like her” because for some reason I have this idea in my head that it doesn’t officially “not work” until I’ve tried it MY way and it doesn’t work. And so I made what I thought was a fairly decent effort at shoveling the car out some more and low and behold I jump in the driver’s seat to pull the car victoriously out of the parking stall- and the tires spin. A little old lady offers to push the car for me and with a slight chuckle, I ask her to pop in the driver’s seat and I will try and push. Tires spin. After about 5 or 6 slightly altered but basically identical attempts- and 6 or 7 pairs of the same tires spinning- refusing to budge, I admit defeat. Hanging my head in shame that my “technique” of shoveling wasn’t somehow more effective, I retreat to the warmth of my house to strategize. I plop myself down on the couch and shake my head. It’s just dawned on me. I spent a good hour outside shoveling, digging, spinning tires, wading though knee high snow, spinning tires, freezing my butt off, spinning tires…Did I mention spinning tires? And I am in the exact same spot that I was at 6:30 this morning when I was snuggled all warm in my bed, half asleep and loving it. Now I’m cold, wet, sore and a little irritable and am still going to have to resort to the same solution that Trevor had come up with this morning. So I wonder; why on earth am I so stubborn that I do this to myself? Why can’t I just listen when someone tells me something? And even more importantly- do I do this when God is telling me something? Out of my own stubbornness do I ignore what He has to say and consequently end up spinning my tires until I finally admit defeat- and then, and only then will I listen? Perhaps I understand now why every other person in out block can get their car out-but our tires are doing nothing but spinning.

God wanted me to finally stop and listen. I think I’ll hear Him out this time.

The Cracks in the Sidewalk

2004-12-31T13:15:00.000-08:00

If this is 'Steph's Sidewalk' I think the poems and other posts shown are really the cracks in the sidewalk. To me, the cracks are what give a sidewalk its uniqueness or character if you will, and as each poem or thought I write about is indicative of emotions I have felt or situations I have been through they too represent that which had made my character- that which has made me who I am at this very moment

When you shouted, “Lord why me?”
Fell to your knees and held your head
Did you listen when He answered?
Did you hear him when He said,
“I know my child it’s hard
When you can’t see beyond tomorrow
To understand the pain
The hurting and the sorrow
But my child you don’t ask why
When things are going your way
I never here ‘Lord why am I happy?’
Or, ‘Why the beautiful day?’
There so much you want to understand
So much you want to know
But first of all you need
To allow yourself to grow
And so my child I ask
If you want to understand
Put your faith in me
As I take you by the hand
Some days will still be great
And some days will be dark and gray
But you must always remember
That I’m just a prayer away
And when your life on earth is over
And Gods glory do you see
You will understand
Why you put your faith in me.”
______________________________________

Here my eyes
Fill up wit tears
I pour out my heart
My mind, my fears
I laugh and I weep
I rejoice and I dream
Sometimes I whisper
Sometimes my heart screams
I bare my soul
With nothing to hide
You can see it all
From the inside
So I’ll open up my heart
With no uncertainty
Because talking to God
Is the safest place to be.

Yey! A Blizzard! Are you all excited yet???

2004-12-30T15:36:00.000-08:00

Well the snow is falling, falling, falling outside and alas I am stuck inside for the night. Not that I really take big issue with that but I think that just because I know I really shouldn’t try and venture out into that mess of snow and sleet we call Winnipeg- I want to. Anyways, I figured before I start cooking supper I would post a few more of my poems. I have a lot saved on my computer, so I am just trying to get them out so that they are on the site. Bear with me. I will do my best to try and mix them with some other stuff so I don’t bore you all to tears.

Underneath the reality you portray
Is a child who dreams of seeing brighter days
One with laughter excitement
Free of constant worry
Where you can go somewhere
But not in such a hurry

Underneath

Underneath the emotions you bare
Is a someone who’s willing to admit that their scared
Yet not afraid to seem obtuse
Not afraid to tell the whole truth

Underneath

Underneath the words that you speak
Is an intellect that wishes for just one week
That you could forget all they ever knew
And think the way they did when they were two

Underneath

Underneath the clothes that you wear
Is a body that still shakes when its bare
A bundle of neurotic impulsive joy
Who at times is still timid and coy

Underneath

Underneath the lie she feeds the world
Pretending she’s not just a little girl
Wishing and dreaming that she could digress
Wishing she could be free of this mess

Underneath

Underneath the person you see
Is this person who stretches her reality
To be a brave adult in a world of fear
Who often wishes she weren’t here

Underneath
________________________________________

We battle out our lives
We fight for loss if dreams
We create a false reality
That falls short of what it seems

We hope for the end of our sadness
And yet we create pain
And still we live our lives
Fixated on wealth and gain

If this is all we have
To complete to survive in life
Then here I stand before you
Prepared to meet my fate upon this knife

Bit proudly I can stand
The love of god is what I feel
And may my death come swiftly
If this love is unreal

I don’t want my butterflies to flutter by.

2004-12-30T10:15:00.000-08:00

I realized today that had Trevor and I not been married this past August, today would have been out 3 year anniversary. On the way to work this morning Trevor was driving and I was resting my hand on the center consol and Trevor wrapped his arm around mine to hold my hand. It brought me back to the nostalgic feeling of before we started “officially” dating, when we would be driving and he would do the same. I remember how it used to feel to get that fluttery butterfly feeling in my stomach, and I wondered why, even though I love him with all my heart and soul, my stomach no longer flutters when he holds my hand. As I sit and think about this more its because I realize that I no longer have a “crush” on him. I simply love him to the ends of the earth and beyond. The problem is I think that when that flutter goes away, it stops reminding you every time you see or even talk to that person how strongly you feel about them. Because the flutter goes away- you forget sometimes to stop and think before you say something that might be hurtful. You can start to get so accustomed to that person that you even start to take for granted things they do for you because you are so used to it. Because you lose that flutter you become so comfortable with your other half that women stop dressing up and wearing makeup every moment their together, stop picking at their food politely and start eating like a normal person and men stop holding in the noises and smells that seem to emit from every cavity of their body- We all just relax a little! We still love that person with all of our heart but our love shifts to a new phase. The comfort phase. All of the sudden we don’t seem to get so excited over every trivial detail, and we start to make expectations, and set standards of who and what a person should be.

(Picture a valley girl type of teenager voice)*He looked at me- but he didn’t just –look- at me you know, he loooookeeed at me! Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!* Now, how many married women do you know that still get excited because their husband didn’t just, -look- at them, He loooookeeed at them?

So with this in mind I start to think about God. I know that some time ago I was having a conversation with a lady from my church and I remember saying to her that Jesus is on my mind so much and I am so excited about him that it feels like I have a crush on him. I had the fluttery butterfly feeling and excitement with everything that surrounds him. My fear is that my butterflies will one day flutter by me as I enter into a comfort stage of my walk with Christ. I know that entering that stage wont mean that I wont love God- but that my love will have simply changed, yet at the same time I fear that as I can sometimes do with Trevor- I will start to make expectations and take Jesus, with all he does and all he has done for granted. I fear that I will one day I will start forgetting to say thank you all the time and start simply asking for what I need when I pray- and that terrifies me. It breaks my heart when I realize that I have done that to Trevor and (sorry Trev) he falls second to God. I can only imagine how devastating it would feel to one day realize that I have done that to my #1.

Then question is- how do you stay excited about God even when you reach your comfort stage? I’m not saying that God isn’t something to get excited over but I am saying that as with any relationship, when it grows beyond your figurative “crush stage” how do you stop from getting too comfortable that you forget to flutter?

I don’t want my butterflies to flutter by.

Going out? Don't forget your Jesus Pass!

2004-12-29T21:07:00.000-08:00

I’ve commented on Darlene’s blog (which by the way is linked below *thanks for your help*- Plug-plug-plug) about God placing you in a situation to teach you things. Well here’s what I’ve learned. Apparently I have no patience and God insists on giving me some, and well-who am I to argue with the big guy right?

Anyhow, its seems as though I am constantly being placed in a situation that deserves oodles of time and patience and well I’ve got about 1% of what is required. Every corner I turn- traffic jam, every time I walk to get my coffee at Tim’s –slow moving turtles swamping their way through the airport like they have no place to go. Sometimes I just want to scream “People! You have a plane to catch! Move it!” But I walk slowly behind them, politely, gritting my teeth and remembering always that I’m wearing an Airport Pass and am an ambassador for the airport whether I like it or not.

I sat on this though for a while and began to think to myself- What would Christians be like if we all had to wear a Jesus Pass. As it stands right now as soon as I throw my pass on and make my way to Tim’s for my morning coffee, or to the crew room to collect my daily paperwork, I am an airport employee and anyone who looks at me knows it. It is assumed that you can ask for directions to anywhere in the airport and I will know and answer politely with a smile- *Me? In a hurry? - Nah! There is always time to give you directions!* I am forced to practice more patience while completing my daily duties then I ever imagined I had- but it’s not a rule. No one told me I have to be nice- but the majority of us realize that it’s just an extra responsibility that we carry because of our work environment. So I wonder- If Christians all wore a pass would we all be a little nicer? As soon as we threw on that pass- everyone would know we were a Christian- and I wonder if that kind of exposure would change the way we live our every day lives? Would we think twice before we lose our cool? Would we all practice a little more patience, and make time no matter what our schedule looks like for another person in need of direction? Would we all choose to act as though we know we should, sacrificing time and compromising our initial reactions to situations- not because we are told to- but because we know as a Christian it is a responsibility that comes with our soul’s environment?

I want to end my post with one of my poems. I write a lot of poetry about God and I believe that he inspires the words that I write. The one I have attached seems to fit in because it asks the question- to what extent would you go if you were wearing your Jesus pass? One line talks about wearing the lord on your sleeve and I think that ties in a lot to what I was saying above.

If you long to be like Jesus
Would you open your heart to all you know?
Though it is easy to give your heart to a friend
Will you open your heart to a foe?

If you long to more like Jesus
Will you wear the lord on your sleeve?
God is not always revealed straight to others
But is seen in those who believe

If you long to be like Jesus
Will you stand firm despite what they say?
Would you face speculation, doubt and ridicule
Each and every single day?

If you long to be like Jesus
Would you die for what you believe?
Truth is not often revealed in peace
Often the truth must bleed.

Where the Sidewalk Begins...

2004-12-29T17:10:00.000-08:00

In my not-so-many years I've walked quite the winding, rockey, bumpy and sometimes even frightening spiritual path- and I have only one person to thank for who and where I am now...

Thank you Lord
For the friends that Ive found
For the light in the dark
When theres no one around
For the air that I breathe
And the tears I may cry
Thank you Lord
For each star in the sky
Thank you God
That I may honor serve
For the salvation you give
That I do not deserve
For your heart so full
of love and of grace
For the hope that one-day
Ill see your face
Thank you God
That I am part of your plan
That you see purpose in me
When no one else can
That the heavens and earth
Move upon your command
Yet I can still reach out
and touch your hand
Thank you Lord
For the privilege of prayer
That I can speak to you always
And youll always be there
For each step I may take
On this path we call life
And thank you God
For your son Jesus Christ.